When I Write Like a Pussy

After a short absence from words, I struggle to restart the creative writing engine and use the opportunity to write like a pussy. In this case, to write like a negative, whiny bitch (see previous two posts).

I fell off the earth for a few months. A lot of hours at work in the heat, and if I don’t write everyday I lose my writing voice. It is, for me, a big shift to go from mechanical, logical, tangible mode to creative, flowing, inspired mode. The later and harder I work at being the Amazing Furnaceman the longer it takes to shift gears into creative writing.

When the heat is on (no pun intended), and we are in-season, I can do little besides eat, sleep, shit, fuck and work. When it all slows down, like now, I write like this only better.

More better. Mo’ better. Mo’ betta. Anyway, no more writing like a pussy until the next time I write like a pussy and catch myself in the act.

Peace out and be free.

I am the Amazing Furnaceman

I wake up, get ready, drink coffee, surf porn, and wait. Nothing. No first call. We get our service calls by text message. Nothing equals no first call. Nothing to do. Thank you for coming. Go the fuck back to bed. We’ll see you tomorrow morning bright and early because maybe there’ll be something for… Continue Reading

When Sewers and Air Conditioners Collide

Jim refuses to replace his old air conditioner no matter how many times it breaks, works for the county water department and hates rain. The last two go together. The first one is some sort of religion, I think. I show him his air conditioner’s fan motor and point out the leaking oil and worn… Continue Reading

My Cast Iron Summer

(1700 words) The summer of my twelfth year my dad started taking me to work with him because he didn’t know any better. “Five bucks a day,” he told me. A month later and I just wanted to play with my friends. Not many true summers left at twelve years old. Childhood summers. Priceless. Or,… Continue Reading

Attack of the Crohn’s Flare Prednisone Brain

“Holy, Crohn’s flare up, Furnaceman! Whadda we do now?” “Wrong acid trip, Boy­­­­­­­ Blunder. Take a hike before the Colonoscopy Monster gets you in the ass.” Ah, but the beast is back, you see, after almost twenty years, slithering in like a dead black flashback turned inside out. Vengeance, it says in a language all… Continue Reading

Pain, Agony and the Method of Relief

(2000 words) So, it was hot outside. Bare ass naked don’t touch me hot. The end of it, though. The part where everyone says they, “can’t wait for the damn heat to break”, and six months later they say the same thing about the cold. An old lady answers the door and within seconds I… Continue Reading

The Truth About Canned Spaghetti

Is there a difference? Is it fair to compare spaghetti in a can with mama’s own homemade masterpiece? And isn’t canned spaghetti better than no spaghetti at all? And if not, then what the fuck? If mama’s homemade spaghetti is the ideal, then even crappy spaghetti in a can is closer to the real thing… Continue Reading